STORY: They're Coming Back

Really, what happened happened and I don't think it affects me, despite what Rachel or anyone else says. They're not the ones living my life, so how would they know? I'm only here, doctor, because Rachel threatened to get a divorce if not. She thinks there was something in my childhood that caused me to be so, well...scared. And I think she might be right.

I guess I started noticing these fears back in April. It was Asher's birthday, and I was sick inside with a nasty migraine. Rachel was begging me to come outside and enjoy the day, but I was sick - damn sick, and even more sick of her bitching at me. I locked the door.

Anyway, I just had this thought while I was lying in bed. Maybe it was cause of the beer. I don't know or care, really. All I know is that the thought - you know how our thoughts are in this blank tone? This thought was in my mother's voice.

About my mother. We'd been taken into foster care twice, but the foster parents were worse than mom. Besides, after losing us mom would improve. It was like us being near her set them off. My brother Dave - he's my only family now, my dad just ran away when I was two - and I got to know all four of Mom's personalities. There was Cheyenne, Lisa, Janine, and then Mom.

Don't get me wrong, doctor. I know Mom loved us. But the other three didn't. They were violent, hateful, bitchy, everything Rachel isn't. They would attack us verbally and physically.

Janine was the one who did drugs - funny how none of the other personalities did, however. She was the most calm of Mom's other faces. She didn't kick or punch or starve us, and she didn't slash Dave's leg with a knife (that was Cheyenne) or try to kill my girlfriend (Lisa), but she was a bitch, and she was always distracted and forgetful.

Janine would forget to cook us dinner, or forget to drive us to school - we'd have to get the neighbors to drive us, and they hated us, they didn't do anything about Mom, knew she was crazy but didn't care or anything. I have clear memories of the icy non-conversations we'd have in the back seat with them...

Oh, the thought? Sorry, doc, I guess I just got distracted a little bit. Yeah, the thought was in Mom's voice: help me, son. They're coming back for me, you, and Dave. I love you, Rodney, and I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.

For a while I thought I was dreaming it, or had imagined it. I used to take drugs, call it Janine's influence if you'd like, and I imagined some pretty fucked up stuff while I was high. Then my buddy John - a cop - said they were getting tougher on repeat drug offenders, so I took all my stuff and put it in a garbage bag and threw the bag in the fireplace. I guess that polluted the air, but with all the shit in it, who's going to notice or complain?

You want to know what I think? I think Mom's personalities were like cancers or parasites. You ever hear about bugs or shit that will feed off of people or other animals? It was like that. The personalities were like those bugs to Mom. They drained her of her personality and life, and I guess that's why she died.

It's real funny about what happened a month ago, doc. I was walking home from the bar - I wasn't REAL drunk or anything, but I'd had a few, and this woman came up to me and said, "You want something from me?" And I knew she meant drugs. And the thing is, she looked just like my mom. I ran away, hustled all the way home, and I locked the door and told Rachel and Asher I loved them.

And yesterday, I saw Dave in the hospital. He was knifed in the leg by some lowlife.

The guy who did my mom's autopsy said there was some struggling. I didn't know what that meant then, but I do now.

Janine has showed up, Cheyenne has showed up - I'd bet my life one of them killed Mom. Remember what I said about the last personality my mom had, Lisa? When I was fourteen she tried to kill my girlfriend. What will happen when Lisa comes back? It's not a question of if she will, but when she will, and I spend empty nights wondering if I should warn Rachel, and if Lisa's attack will be fatal this time, and whether I should have done something or told the cops or someone else about what was going on in the Hilliard household a long time ago.